My Way Out

I recently did some additional safety testing on my UnderBibs. It was something I was dreading because baby and children's products are held to such a high standards and it's also just another cost to put out. I knew they were safe for every day use but never having gone through the testing process before, I didn't know what to expect. I got my package together and put it in the mail and tried to put it out of my mind. It only took about a week to get the results back and when I saw my "results" email from the testing company, I held my breath. I opened it and scrolled through as quickly as possible and discovered the bibs passed all testing. You would think I would be jumping up and down. I thought I would be jumping up and down. It was like waiting for a college acceptance letter, I anticipated running around the house like an excited child. It was a strange reaction and I felt it immediately. My husband said to me, "do you think you were hoping for a way out?" It hit me, maybe I was hoping for a way out. It's hard to start a business. It's hard every day knowing how much more I need to do to make it a success. It is going to take so much time and a lot more money. At times, I wish I never started this journey. But not matter how tough it gets, I just can't bring myself to stop moving forward no matter how slow the steps are. I don't know if I need to prove it to myself or others but I just can't seem to let it go. I wanted a way out, an excuse to allow myself to stop. It would have been like starting from scratch and I could make an argument for why I just couldn't go back to the beginning. So when I saw "PASSED" for each category tested, a little part of me was sad. No way out. I must keep going. I am disappointed in myself for even hoping for an excuse to end things. After reflecting on it for a couple days, I still have a bit of dread for trudging forward but I have also come to appreciate the fact that I created a product from the ground up and that I did it right. What keeps me going...there is no way but forward so onwards I go.